Adoption is often referred to as a rollercoaster ride. The adoption process is filled with a continual barrage of high and low emotions. When you’re trying to process all these emotions on a day-to-day basis it can build to a fever pitch. Writing about it helps to process the constant ebb and flow of the process. It helps me to process what I’m feeling and what may or may not be happening in the actual situation. Saying it “out loud” helps to release the anxiety, fear and even the anticipation, that can sometimes feel overwhelming and oppressive. Often after writing a blog entry, an article or even an email, I feel instant ease of tension and anxiety. As a natural planner, I always have a little anxiety in the process.

2. Connection 

Through writing, I have made a connection with so many people who are on the journey, considering the journey and done with the journey. It has helped me find people who I can help, who have helped me in immeasurable ways, and spreading knowledge, resources, and information is imperative in this process. Whether it be people in my neighborhood, or across the country, we have shared highs, lows, and resources. Books, webinars, even support groups via social media have been a lifesaver for me.

3. Comprehension

Being understood is important in life. Being understood in the journey we are on is imperative. There are days when all I have left at the end of the day is humor. I can find humor in the most disturbing things sometimes. Having someone I know that completely understands where I am, that it is relief. When I’m discouraged, I have support in knowing how to help me, what my child really needs, what the behaviors really mean. It’s a relief and a ginormous blessing to know that I’m not alone, that someone else gets it. Adoption, especially of children of trauma, can be a very lonely road. I am so lucky to have so many in my life who are ready at a moment’s notice to support, hug, and sometimes just hear me. No judgment. No frilly sentiments. Just understanding.  

The post Top 3 Ways That Writing About Adoption Is Therapeutic appeared first on Adoption Blog | Open, Reunion, Transracial, Journey & more.

Respect

When we were chosen to adopt our first son we met his birth mother shortly after being chosen. It was a great moment, but I noticed very quickly that she was embarrassed to share her story and to tell us the details of our son’s beginning in this world. As we were talking, I tried to reassure her and let her know that we did not judge her. Throughout our relationship it has been important to ensure that she knows that we respect her, her choices, and her fears. The same now goes for our subsequent birth mothers. They are all unique people with equally unique needs, but respect is paramount for our relationship. We have a special and respectful relationship with each of them.

Empathy

Just like anyone else, we find a lot of times that our birth mothers just want to be heard. Understood. I think it’s human nature to feel that someone truly hears you, cares for you, and listens. I have uttered the phrase “I don’t know” so many times, because I just don’t have an answer. There have been many times during this process that I do feel like we have parallel paths. Different reasons for being there, but the circumstances are similar. I can understand where they might have been, due to the circumstances of their own lives. Listening. It is powerful. 

Hugs

We are fortunate to live near two of our children’s birth mothers. There have been many times when I have gone to see them after a particularly trying time. Several times I have asked what they need. It’s often met with, “a hug”. The power of human touch—gentle, calm, understanding—heals the soul so often. So there I stand, hugging, hoping they can find the power to heal in that one touch.

Acceptance

While my children’s birth mothers make choices that I wouldn’t make, live lifestyles completely different than our choosing, it has been easy to be accepting. We have learned that we may never understand, but we can accept.  

Love

Just like adding children to our family, in adding birth parents, love takes time. But it does come. We have come to care deeply and try to show them love in small ways. It means a lot to all of us to be able to have the love between us. It will only build and strengthen with time. But it’s there, and it’s so very important.  

The post What Your Child’s Birth Parents Need in Hard Times appeared first on Adoption Blog | Open, Reunion, Transracial, Journey & more.