1. Dear Birth Mother/Father

This is a must! You must address the birth parents in a sincere heartfelt letter. Pin this blog post so it is the first or one of the first that visitors see. Any agency, facilitator, or lawyer you work with will want you to have a letter to birth mother/father. Speak from the heart. It doesn’t need to be extremely lengthy, but you do need to know your audience. Talk less about you and more about them and their struggle with this decision.    

2. About you

Make a post dedicated to you. It’s even ok to make several! One about you, one about your spouse, and one about your relationship. You can include things like personalities, hobbies, careers, and what your role will be parenting a new child. You could write it about yourself or let your spouse write about you. And, include plenty of pictures here!

3. Why Adoption

It is important for a birth parent to understand why you are choosing to adopt. Have you always dreamed of adopting? Have you struggled with infertility? Were you yourself adopted and want to share that with a child? Birthparents want to know you are invested. This is their baby before they are yours, and they are choosing adoption out of love!   

4. Home 

Show off your home in this blog post! Write a few sentences and show pictures of the outside and main living areas. If you have a bedroom ready for baby show that off too! This is your home so include information about your community. Do you live on 20 acres with horses? Do you live in a subdivision with a pool? Do you live in a large city or small town? You can talk about all of these things without writing your address down or telling the entire internet where you live!

5. Faith 

If you are a faith-filled couple and want to share your religious beliefs, do so! Yes, this will scare some birth mothers away, but it will also draw in the birth mothers that are right for you! Share what denomination you are, what your church family is like. Some birth parents may want their baby raised Catholic or other specific religion.  

6. Adoption Relationship

It is important to be very honest with your view on the future adoption relationship. After you sign those papers and take legal custody for your child there are no rules about your future relationship with the birth parents. If you are wanting a closed adoption the birth parents need to know that going in. Whatever you decide open, semi-open, or closed should be in the forefront of conversation.

7. Promises To Your Birth Parents

This blog post is a little extra and could be different than what you have seen. Make a post dedicated to what you promise this birth mother and father about raising their baby. Promises of unconditional love, a stable home, and opportunity. Promises of family game nights, and always having a place to call home. Promises of guidance, discipline, and always knowing where they came from. Whatever you promise make it genuine and not fluff!

In the end, put as much information about you as you feel comfortable. You want the right birth mother to find you, and you are not looking for just any birth mother and baby. You are looking for YOUR birth mother and baby!

The post 7 Things You Must Share on a Hopeful Adoptive Parent Blog appeared first on Adoption Blog | Open, Reunion, Transracial, Journey & more.

The first way to remove the “scary” factor from foster adoption is to really see your child. See their fear, their vulnerability, their needs, and their pain. You need to look past their behaviors and figure out what is driving their challenging behavior and difficult words. Look and see their potential, their need to be loved, and their need for stability.

The second way is to realize that a child who is adopted comes from a place of loss. In their life they have had at least one loss; potentially two or more. Sometimes foster children move around before they stay with their forever family. Sometimes children in the foster system have suffered physical or emotional abuse or trauma. More often than not, children who are adopted from the foster care system are dealing with a lot of baggage from where they’ve come. This baggage often causes behaviors that are difficult to understand. Sometimes these children have undiagnosed conditions such as FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders) or RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). Those conditions may seem “scary” however, they are still children first, who need love and to be cared for. It’s not an easy job to parent a child with a disability, but these children need someone in their corner who is for them. Someone who is truly committed to them through the good and the bad. The bad will be bad, but the good moments will be amazingly beautiful.

The third way is to understand that in most cases it takes a team to raise a child. When raising a child who is adopted from foster care, it will likely involve more than just you. Children may be at various stages emotionally and physically and thus sometimes physical therapists, speech therapists, psychologists, behavioral therapists, psychiatrists, school teams, pediatricians, counselors and residential treatment centers may be essential to helping your precious child through life and in family life. As a parent, it is sometimes difficult to realize that our love for our child isn’t always enough, but it’s definitely needed, as it is the basis for why we advocate strongly for the additional assistance necessary to help our child succeed. These decisions can be extremely tough and stressful. As a parent, you advocate and you do what you need to do, to help your child; one step at a time. 

The fourth way is to put plans in place for the safety of the family if your child should have a meltdown. It’s important to understand that the meltdown is a cause of some sort of overstimulation or traumatic memory, not a reflection of how the child really feels about their adoptive family. Coach your child on ways to de-escalate and help them find strategies that work for them.

The fifth way is to research, read, and learn all there is to know about trauma and attachment parenting. Find other families that have adopted from foster care to learn about what you can do to help grow that bond between you and your adopted child. Be your child’s biggest cheerleader. Whenever possible, exclaim over and reward the positive.

And lastly, use humor and self-care to keep yourself in a compassionate and caring mood. Your child has been through a lot. They will spend time testing you to see if you will leave them or hurt them as they have been in the past. It will not be easy, and you will have to develop a tough skin to let their words and actions roll off of you. If you can take care of yourself–enough nutrition, exercise and sleep and a little respite time here and there then you will be able to deal with your child who is hurting in a more compassionate way. Always remind yourself that they need your understanding, your compassion, and your grace more than your disapproval and anger. Use humor to lighten the mood whenever possible.

Parenting is scary. You never know what will happen tomorrow. We’d like to have control over everything, but unfortunately, we do not. So why not face your fears and step onto the roller coaster? Most likely it will leave you feeling amazed and the exhilarating highs will outweigh any of the lows that you felt. There are so many children in foster care just waiting for you to face your fears and say yes. They will change your life for the better and you, in turn, will hopefully, change their life for the better as well. It’s often not easy and can be very challenging, but if you work to take the “scary” out of it, then you will see just how a child can thrive when given the opportunity. Are you willing to say yes?

The post Why Foster Adoption Isn’t Scary appeared first on Adoption Blog | Open, Reunion, Transracial, Journey & more.

So, what do you write about in an adoption blog? Different people write different things. For me, I wrote about not just the logistical steps and paperwork details, and “why” we were waiting for “xyz” thing to happen, but I also wrote about my feelings, my frustration sometimes, my longing to be united with my son, adoption poems, and bits of notes that I had written directly to the son I was yet to be united with.

So, here’s a list of nine things that you can write about on an adoption blog. This will help you get started.

Remember, you don’t have to write a lot. A blog post can be (and should be) relatively short. It’s more likely that people will actually READ it. Or it can be broken up into a series of “parts” if it’s a long story that isn’t feasible to tell in one fell swoop. You’re basically capturing a moment in time, or telling a story, or sharing something that you think others can benefit from.

So, peruse this list, and use it to get some ideas for what you’d want to write about. But, ultimately, the decision is yours. Make your blog what you WANT it to be. Instead of asking yourself, “What should I write about in my adoption blog?” ask yourself, “What do I want to write about in my adoption blog?” And that, ultimately, is your answer.

1. Write about the various steps in the process, as they happen.

This type of blog post is a fact-sharing post and may or may not cover the writer’s feelings or underlying thoughts behind what is going on. Here’s an example, taken from my friend Laura and Dan’s blog, Mainers in Maryland. In this excellent blog, Dan captured, step by step, what he and his wife went through as they navigated the adoption process and waited to be united with their son. In particular, read the blog post from Sunday, March 7, 2010, titled “Two Whirlwind Months.” Here’s an excerpt from it: 

“After receiving our referral, we scheduled a meeting with our social worker to discuss what we had to do for the next phase of the adoption. We met with her on January 15th. The majority of the meeting was used to explain the next round of adoption paperwork that we would need to complete. We also talked about some of the things we would need to do when we bring Zachary home (for example, writing status reports and a visit to our home from our social worker). After the meeting, we knew that our first priority was to get our paperwork completed as quickly as possible so that it wouldn’t slow down the process of bringing Zachary home. While the paperwork wasn’t as extensive as the initial adoption paperwork, there was still much to do. To give you an idea of what we had to do, here’s a list of the primary documents that we had to complete . . .”

2. Write about your feelings and thoughts.

Break it down: How are you feeling TODAY? As in, RIGHT NOW? Write about that. It doesn’t have to be long—a few paragraphs are perfect. Here’s a great example of that, taken from my own blog titled “Kath and Jeff’s Adoption Update” (creative, I know). Most of my posts are about my feelings, but, for a specific example, see the post from Wednesday, November 18, 2009, titled “Being a Mom, and Fixing Little Holes in the Heart.” Here’s an excerpt from it:

“[This week] is proving to be particularly hard for me. Grueling, actually. I’m not sure he’ll be home for Thanksgiving, despite my best efforts to remain positive and prayerful and hopeful. And I worry, now, about what it will be like, for us and for him . . . . and I just want to cry but will choose to smile and look forward to him, instead. Stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive.”

3.  Write poems or personal essays on your adoption experience.

This is YOUR blog: It’s a perfect place to share the poetry you have written about your wait, the child you are waiting for, and (even after your child is united with you) your experience as a new parent.

4.  Write about, and provide links to, other people’s adoption blogs.

Find the blogs that you have followed up to this point. What adoption blogs may have inspired you to start your own? What did THEY say? What did THEY write about? Tell your readers about these blogs. Share the URLs. What a great way to give fellow parents some exposure and to give other waiting parents some great resources to read and share with family members.

5. Write about interesting adoption-related news items.

What is going on in the adoption community “these days” (meaning, the time of your blog post writing)? These posts can serve as a sort of “time capsule” for your child, later on.

6. Write a letter to the child you’re waiting for.

What are you thinking about? Share that with him or her. As your child grows up, this letter can be a cherished heirloom that can be passed down from generation to generation.

Your adoption blog is a literal chronicle of your journey to parenthood, your thoughts, your feelings. It’s a cyberplace that can help you cultivate your creativity as well as document the logistical steps of your adoption journey. Happy blogging!

The post 5 Things To Write About on An Adoption Blog appeared first on Adoption Blog | Open, Reunion, Transracial, Journey & more.

1. Before you begin your international adoption process, take time to consider your motivation and reasons for wanting to pursue international adoption. If you are doing it just because someone else did, then you are not doing it for the right reasons. If you are adopting because you want to add a child to your family and you are willing to commit a lifetime of caring for this human being, then international adoption is the right choice.
2. You are ready to adopt internationally, but you need to decide which country you want your child to be from. There are countries that are closed to international adoption so do your research. Find the countries that you can adopt from and research their rules and requirements. Choose the country that best fits you and your family. Once you have chosen a country, research that country. Learn about its history and culture. 
3. You are ready to get the process started, but where do you begin? You choose an international adoption agency. Decide what qualities you are looking for in an agency. A good agency is licensed and accredited. They put the well-being of the child first and ensure that your experience is positive and goes smoothly. Check with the state licensing board to see if there are any complaints. Connect with others who have adopted through the agency. This is one of the biggest decisions you will make so be sure to take your time. Do not rush to pick an agency.

Have you chosen to adopt an orphan internationally? If so, I hope these tips will help you as you consider international adoption.

The post 3 Top Tips On International Adoption appeared first on Adoption Blog | Open, Reunion, Transracial, Journey & more.

1) Reasons Why Folks Adopt

Adoption is not always a second-place trophy to family building. Yes, many couples turn to adoption after years of infertility, but that does not make it a second rate choice. Some families adopt prior to having biological children, while some adopt after. Families adopt for many different reasons, but all have two things in common–the love of children and the desire to provide them with a forever home. Adoption is a life’s calling, and families discover it at different stages in their lives.

2) Adoption Culture

Adoption comes with its own culture. Adoptive families tend to look at life, family, and children differently than biological families do. They realize blood is not the only thing that makes a family. Love makes the family. Each family celebrates adoption in its own way and with their own traditions. One of those traditions is day unique to each adopted child called “Gotcha Day” or “Adoption Day.” It is a family holiday to celebrate the day the adopted child joined their forever family. Sometimes adoptees retain various forms of communication with their biological families. Adoptions can be open, closed, or semi-open in communication. When a family adopts a child, whose nationality or ethnicity is different than their own, the adoptive family will often retain parts of the child’s ethnic heritage and incorporate it into family life. Adoption weaves together individuals and cultures to form a family.

3) Adoption Terminology

Becoming familiarized with adoption semantics can be very beneficial. Not only can one converse intelligently with members of the adoption community, one can avoid comments that are offensive. Here are a few words/phrases to avoid:

• References to the child being their “own” child. In the eyes of the parent, as well as legally, the adopted child is a much the adoptive parents’ child as any biologically born child.
• Since children are priceless and it is illegal to buy/sell children, please don’t ask “how much you paid for the child.” Adoption fees are for governmental fees, birth mother care, and agency/lawyer fees.
• Children are “placed” for adoption and not “given up” for adoption.
• Any ethnic or cultural comments about a child’s appearance are bad juju and can make a person seem racist.
• The concept that “once a family has adopted they will become pregnant” is uneducated and very rude. 

4) Adoption Is About The Child

A prospective adoptive parent may want a child and go to great lengths to bring one home, but the adoption process is not about them. Every background check, every doctor visit, every home visit, every talk with a social worker may make it seem like the process is all about the person adopting, but it is not. Adoption is finding loving, forever homes for babies, children, and teens. All the hoops that must be jumped through are to ensure that the child is indeed going to a good home.

5) It Can Be Tough

Each family, who opens their hearts to a child, opens themselves to heartache and joy. They have fought valiantly to earn the right to bring that child home. Some families wait years for a child to come home. Some wait only a short time. Some adopt children who come from traumatic places. Adoptive families have dealt with rude and cruel comments from their own families, as well as from strangers because adoption sometimes looks strange to those who build their families traditionally. Adoption is not easy, but every family, who has journeyed into the adoption world, will say that it is worth it…and they would do it all over again.

Knowledge is power. That power will enable a person to be compassionate towards families that adopt. Bringing a meal or asking how one can help them will do more to encourage the adoptive family as they transition.

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1) It’s not about you

Yes, you want a child and are going to great lengths to bring one home, but the adoption process isn’t about you. Every background check, doctor visit, home study, or talk with a social worker may make it seem like the process is all about you, but it isn’t. Adoption is finding safe, loving, forever homes for babies, children, and teens. All the hoops you jump through before bringing that child home is so those placing the child know that the child is indeed going to join a good family.

2) Regulation and requirements

Every state and county has its own set of adoption regulations and guidelines. Navigating these can be tricky, but you can check your state’s online websites to see what the general requirements are. Social workers or adoption lawyers will know what their state and county will ask to be done. It is also important to understand that an inter-state adoption will require meeting the requirements of each state involved. Do not let the massive amount of information overwhelm you. Rely on your social worker or lawyer to help you along. Trust them, and learn all you can about the process, because one day, you might be able to help other hopeful adoptive parents.

3) It is going to be tough

From paperwork to placement, it can be hard. There is a crazy amount of paperwork that you will need to read and sign. The decisions that you will need to make prior to being approved to adopt will blow your mind. Take a long look at your preferences and know what you can handle. Do not let anyone guilt you into changing your preferences. You alone can determine what you can handle. The wait for a potential match can seem terminal. The matches that aren’t made and the interrupted adoptions can cause much heartbreak.

Some people are not going to understand. There are always those people who just do not get why you want to adopt. When you know that God is calling you to adopt and you know method he is wanting you to adopt, do not let anyone try to sway you. Cling to the calling like a dog clings to a bone. You will most likely face adversity from people you least expect to be unsupportive. Put your hand to the plow and do not look back. 

4) Other Family

Be aware that sometimes there are more people involved than just you and your adopted child. Usually, there is a birth family who may want to retain some form of contact with the child, whether it be letters and pictures or actual in-person visits in neutral locations. The level of contact is usually discussed prior to placement of the child. While this agreement is not usually legally binding, it is always best to try to honor any prior agreements with the birth family as long as it healthy for the child. It is important to understand that once the adoption is finalized, you are the child’s legal parents, and you have the right to decide what is in the best interest of your child. If the relationship becomes unhealthy or unsafe, you as the parents have the right to pull back. Regardless of any situation, you should always try to refrain from negatively speaking about the child’s biological family

5) Tell the Truth

It is always right to tell your child that they are adopted. From the time they come home, speak positively about the concept of adoption. If the child is very small, keep their story in the most basic terms. There are many ways to positively spotlight adoption even though the child may come from a hard place. As the child grows, add in more details to their story, saving the hard stuff for when they are old enough to understand. Do not shy away from your child’s questions about how they came to be and how they came to join your family. Honesty is always the best policy.

6) You are not alone

The adoption journey can be grueling. It is important to remember that you are not alone. Hundreds of people before you have navigated the adoption waters; do not be afraid to call upon their expertise. The adoption community is vast and varied. You may not need to look far to find someone who has been touched by adoption, and you can find support from the adoption community.

Hopeful Adoptive Parent, do not be weary in well-doing. Eventually, you will reap the benefits of all your hard work if you do not give up. Consider all this to be like contractions and birthing pains. One day, it will seem a distant memory…and it will be worth it.

The post 6 Pieces Of Advice I Have For Hopeful Adoptive Parents appeared first on Adoption Blog | Open, Reunion, Transracial, Journey & more.

There are many reasons why a hopeful adoptive parent adoption blog is a good idea for those hopeful to adopt. Whether it’s to find a potential birth parent that is seeking a family for placement, to journal your progress, or to use as a place for adoption professionals to peek into your lives to get to know you–here are five tips for what to share  on a hopeful adoptive parent blog.

1.      Be Authentic. Show the potential birth parents who you really are and why you are hoping to build your family through adoption. Be real. They are making the decision of a lifetime and are searching for real families in everyday life. Let them get to know some of the little things about you such as your favorite food, movie, what you enjoy doing on the weekends, or things you remember fondly about your own childhood that you wish to make into a tradition of your own. This is perfect for agencies and other adoption professionals, such as grants and loan companies, to get attached to you. Keep your profile in their minds–which will ultimately help lead the way to your child.
2.      Pictures, Pictures, Pictures! It is one thing to tell people about yourself, but it is quite another to vividly SHOW them with pictures. Let them into your lives and show them what kind of life your future child will have with you as parents. I’m not talking about professional photos of your family all gathered in a cute staged frame—although those are nice, too. I’m talking about candid shots of you on vacation, playing with children of friends and family, holidays, cuddle time on the sofa, precious moments with your grandparents or parents. Show them who you are, but remember you are not “selling” yourself. While I agree a picture of a sink full of dirty dishes is authentic, it isn’t the message you are wanting to get out there. You are looking for YOUR child and the perfect match. There is a family for every child. And the authentic you, shown in pictures could be just what potential parents placing for adoption are looking for their child. Big colorful pictures with a few sentences to explain them is attractive and informative on a blog. 
3.      Be Vulnerable. This can be a hard one, but a necessary one. In the home study interview you are going to be asked some very personal questions. It’s okay to let people know you are human. It’s okay to open up and let them see the real you. Blogging about your ups and downs during the wait or your disappointment over a failed match are real and allow one to see how you can handle tough situations in life. Writing about your journey as you go through each stage, pile of paperwork, application, and box of tissues shows others your true self and what kind of parent you hope to be.
4.      Make your Blog clear and easy to navigate. While it’s tempting to have thirty different tabs and miles of paragraphs writing every moment of your life. . . . it is important to catch the eye of those stopping by to get to know you and to have an organized clear navigation to your blog. Have your journal of every day events. Have your “About Us” page. Consider throwing those big pictures throughout every page instead of compiling a slide show. You want to show pictures without someone getting lost in hundreds of pictures. Have a link to your profile book and ask your agency or lawyer to keep a link to your blog along with your profile. You can also have a page dedicated to your progress which can be fun for family and friends as well as potential birth parents to see just where you are in your journey.
5.      Be Consistent in your writing! The blog that gets noticed, which also means the hopeful adoptive family that gets noticed, is the one that is consistent in writing and updating the journey. Even if you are in the waiting and everything is done, write about your weekend, a renovation, trip to the store to look at baby items, or just your feelings will keep you out there and get exposure. It also lets everyone know that you are still hopeful and excited to add to your family!

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So, you want to start your adoption blog, but you are not sure where to start? It can seem daunting with all of the choices at the beginning. It is not as easy as just jumping on the web and typing, but it is probably simpler than you think.

Start Your Adoption Blog

The first thing you need to do is evaluate when you are going to use the blog for. Are you trying to keep family and friends updated? Is your aim to educate others about the adoption world? Are you trying to start a support system for those in the triad? Or, are you simply conversing about the journey through the adoptive world? There is no right reason to start a blog, but knowing what you want to do with it will help you in the next few steps.

Once you find your aim, you need to find the right blogging platform to use. This will require some research. There are multiple choices and the right answer depends on what you are looking to get out of your blog. If you want to monetize it, you need to find a site that allows you to add advertisements. If you are setting up a support system, you might want to find a platform that allows for a forum to be set up. How much do you want control over how your site looks? Some will be very flexible in that, others more conservative.

The most popular is WordPress, which has a bit of a learning curve with two different sites -.org and .com, but seemingly endless possibilities once you’re set up. Some of the other blogging platforms include: Blogger, Tumbler, Squarespace and Wix. It is up to you to decide what you want out of your site.

Once you have chosen the platform, you’ll get to start designing your blog. To me, this is one of the best parts. Only you know how you want your site to look. Depending on the blogging platform you can specialize your fonts, colors, backgrounds, and/or add in special graphics. Some sites will allow you to choose a theme setup for your site. Some are more magazine style where it displays the articles for the reader to choose from. Others are more conversational style with a running dialogue in the order in which it was written. Again, you have to know what you are looking for. Originally, I started with a running script, but as I grew my site, it became more necessary to switch to a magazine style where my readers could sort through the article titles according to category.

So, you have decided the aim of your blog, the platform to use, and have the design done. Time to start writing, right? Not quite. Before you start, you need to do some research. Make sure you know proper adoption lingo. (I used to call the expectant mom the birth mom all the time, which is entirely incorrect!) Read like crazy. Find out the perspective of other members in the triad. If you are looking to educate, see what is already out there. You want to make sure you know what you are talking about before you begin.

Start Your Adoption Blog By Writing Away!

Now, it is time to get down to the writing. How are you going to write your pieces? Are you planning to do a more action based idea – “Three Tips on How to Do X”? Or, are you looking to have a conversation with your readers? Either way is correct and you can vary it piece by piece, just know what you are trying to accomplish. Once your article is done, decide if you are going to use any graphics to accent it.

Publish it! You have your first blog entry!

Now that you have officially started writing, you want to figure out how to get followers. Word of mouth works some. If your blogging platform allows it, you can add Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. buttons and grow your blog on social media. Another way to get exposure is to go out and start reading other blogs or better yet, see if you can guest post on any of them. Networking with other bloggers gives recognition to your name. It will start slow at first, but as you work at it the numbers will start rising.

Blogging is an amazing avenue to get your information out there regardless of your aim. The adoption world is unique which already gives you a nice niche to expound on. It has enough variance that you can easily fill up your site. You have the ability to connect with your reader, letting them know they are not alone. If you want to start your adoption blog, you can! I am confident that you can do this! I wish you best of luck!

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